Jesus Not Only Walks On Water, He’s All Over The Fucking Internet!

Surfing For Jesus—Jesus Websites

Jesus = Light Bulb!

Okay Jesus, I’m Ready For You To Blow My Socks!

Jesus of the Week

You’ve heard of Sonny and Cher, now let me introduce Jesus and Chair!

Jesus Dress Up Site

Jesus Cartoons

Madonna and Jesus

Jesus Jokes

Eight Jesus Jokes

I didn’t write these, just some Jesus humor I found on the internet, enjoy!

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Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.

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Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

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(Jesus Bumper Sticker:)

"Jesus is coming...
...get a towel"

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Why didn't Jesus go to law school?

He was nailed on the boards.

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Why did Jesus cross the road?

Because he was nailed to the chicken!

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Why didn't Jesus replace the stone from the tomb when he rose from the dead?

Well, he was born in a barn.

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Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...

"Can you put me up for the night?"

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Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"

Jesus Thursday!

Top of the morning, just like Jesus I have risen again to deliver the gospel of The Marty Wombacher Show. And today the gospel is all about our friend and saviour Jesus Christ.

Wow, thanks for the applause and someone’s even whistling out there, oh wait, that’s the wind whistling through the holes in Jesus’ hands. Hey Jesus, you want to put your hands in your robe, so I can finish this? Jesus putting his hands in his robe made me think of this Jesus joke:

Q. What’s white, sticky and moves across the sky at a thousand miles an hour?

A. The coming of the Lord!

Hey Jesus, I kid because I love! So don’t get cute and turn me into a tuna casserole or something.

Anyway I’ve got a ton of Jesus things to put up today, there’s Jesus websites, a big Jesus, Jesus items for sale, Sing Along With Jesus, a shaving Jesus and lots more. And Jaws the Cabby and “Boris” have each made some artwork specifically for Jesus day!

And speaking of “Boris,” today’s Home Page art is Jesusriffic! Great work Daddio and what I love about it is that if there really is a Jesus you’ll join me in hell. Bring some ice, I don’t like warm beer. And if “Boris” makes it through the day without being zapped to hell, remember he is available for all your freelance art needs, be it a CD cover design, a logo, retouching or just plain blasphemous art! Send me an email and I’ll pass it along (my email is on the Home Page.)

Okay first up is the Daily Photo and then Condensed Gossip and then onto Jesus Thursday!

If you’re Jesus and you know it clap your hands...whoops, sorry Jesus!

Closing Credits

Produced, directed and written by Marty Wombacher

Theme song and announcer: Slim Volume

Resident artist: “Boris”

Contributing Writers (Comments section, listed in order of comment):
Zioum Zioum the Chainsaw
JHwang
biff
Joey D
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment!
Gene1

Thanks for tuning in and contributing everyone, we’ll see you tomorrow at THE MARTY WOMBACHER SHOW!

Daily Video

Godammit, I keep forgetting to post the motherfucking Daily Video! I almost forgot and was going to shut the show down and I realized, so I went on YouTube and found this clip of Johnny Carson which is hilarious and proves why no one can ever top him as a talk show host. Enjoy!

And Now A Word From Our (Fake) Sponsor

Spread Eagle

At first glance I thought this was a tribute to Sarah Palin’s whore daughter who preaches abstinence from sex to teens after she had unprotected sex with another piece of white trash and produced another Palin retard.

Website of the Week

Once a week I thought I’d feature a website that’s just doing something for the sheer fuck and love of it. So please don’t send me links to your band’s website or your blog for this. But if you know of someone doing something fun and/or wacky, please email me the link and it might just end up the Website of the Week! (Like that’s a big fucking deal!)

This Weeks Website:

Insanewiches

I love sandwiches and I love this website! It’s devoted to sandwiches and the weirder the better. Check out the “Dadwich” below.

Here’s an explanation of the site from their “About” page:

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“This site is a great time-waster for fed up foodies who need a little fun injected into their routine. That’s right, now you can break up your day by being the sandwich shrink and diagnosing how loony you think each sandwich is! The higher the score you give it, the crazier it is. Note: No sandwiches were harmed in the making of this website. In other words, for sandwiches assembled by insanewiches.com, every effort was made to keep waste to a minimum.”

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Nice! They have twelve different catagories, so stop by and enjoy the smorgasboard of weird and insane sandwiches! Insanewiches 

Hat tip to my friend Mark Blackwell for sending me the link! Thanks, Mark!

Mark

Commentator Corner

Welcome to Commentator Corner. If you’re a commentator at the Marty Wombacher Show, feel free to send me images, writings, thoughts, photos, whatever. You’re a part of the show and I’m happy to spotlight your creativity.

Jaws the Cabbie (James Newberg) is a writer and artist and he created this piece of art specifically for The Marty Wombacher Show! Thanks James! I look forward to more!

Jaws has a book out called Two Fisted Driving Tales, if you liked Bernie X from the National Lampoon, you’ll love the book, check it out here:
Two Fisted Driving Tales

Jaws the Cabbie

Don’t Let The Headline Scare You...

She was just going in for her six month checkup.