Jesus Jokes
Thursday, August 6, 2009 at 12:44PM Eight Jesus Jokes
I didn’t write these, just some Jesus humor I found on the internet, enjoy!
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Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.
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Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."
Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.
Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.
But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.
When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."
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(Jesus Bumper Sticker:)
"Jesus is coming...
...get a towel"
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Why didn't Jesus go to law school?
He was nailed on the boards.
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Why did Jesus cross the road?
Because he was nailed to the chicken!
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Why didn't Jesus replace the stone from the tomb when he rose from the dead?
Well, he was born in a barn.
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Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...
"Can you put me up for the night?"
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Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"
Reader Comments (3)
wait...is jesus really albert brooks?
LMFAO (and probably going to hell for it!)
Hahaha! After being nailed on a dog's ass, Jesus is nailed to a chicken's ass !
When do Jesus will be able to be nailed on our own ass?