Friday, May 8, 2009 at 11:28AM Duane Reade was out of diet Mountain Dew, this makes for a gruesome morning! I'm left with diet Coke, a morning drink from days gone by.
Friday, May 8, 2009 at 2:52AM 
Common Taters
On MySpace and facebook, it’s kind of a common courtesy to comment back occasionally to people who are nice enough to leave a comment. I can’t do that here, because I’m too busy posting through the day before I go to work. But I read them all and really appreciate those of you that leave them.
So I thought once a week on my early Friday morning edition of Beer Frame, I’d comment back to some of you. So, beer in hand, here I go!
Comment on All About ME!
Thanks for adding the paper or plastic. By the way: Life is also a GAME.
Michelle R. Stein
Ha ha ha! That’s right, Michelle. You were the first person to start leaving comments here, Michelle. Thanks so much for all your support, it means a lot to me.
Home Page
Looking GREAT marty!!!
gina
Thanks, Gina! Gina has a recipe website, check it out here.
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Looking good--great design and of course, there'll be lots of funny shit once it takes off! I'll look forward to visiting often!
Aaron Smith
Thanks Aaron, come as often as you like, there’s no cover charge, ever! Unless you’re Tom!
Marty's Guestbook
So this is NYC! All i can say is ShamfuckingWow! Is there an open bar? Are you in your dressing room snorting coke with Hollywood Starlets? Who do i see to get my parking validated?
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
My cocaine days are long gone, Professor, these days I stick to the legal speedball of diet Mountain Dew and Budweiser. About the parking validation, see Oprah, she gives the cars away, she can fucking validate them as well!
Comment on Baby Needs Diapers Daily Photo
HHAHHAHHA!
zemmiwinkadinkledoo
Glad you got a chuckle out of that, Zemmidoodles!
Marty's Guestbook
Good show! I especially liked your trip to Central Park!
DogNose
Thanks, DogNose! You’re coming out here in a week, right?
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
I'm diggin it
mit
Thanks, Mit, nice shovel!
Comment on Baby Needs Diapers Daily Photo
Aisle 3...Papa needs a sixpack and a bag of cheetos!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
May I suggest Budweiser and some sleazy cheese to go with those Cheetos, Professor?
Comment on Baby Needs Diapers Daily Photo
Awesome -- I love shit like this. "My" WalMart has an aisle sign that reads "Cookies, Beans ..." but that's only wrong diet-wise.
Slim Volume
That’s very wrong, Slimbo! Beans belong far away from cookies!
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
Congratulations on today's launch and see you in NYC soon!
Transparency
Thanks, Michael, look forward to meeting you!
Marty's Guestbook
It's a long way from Peoria, Marty. Congratulations. Best, Dick.
Dick Stolley
Thanks Dick, come back to New York sometime and we can have lunch and make fun of Mike Neill behind his back.
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
Send you panties, stuff like that?
Slim Volume
You’re scaring me, Slim, and that’s tough to do!
Comment on Baby Needs Diapers Daily Photo
The Depends aisle is located right behind it.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
Ha ha ha! Good one, Michelle! Oops, I crapped my pants!
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
Great job on the Photoblog!! By the way, “The Other Side of Summer" is one of my favorite songs. I need to add it to my iPod. Thanks for reminding me.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
It’s one of my favorites too, Michelle. I love that Imagine line in it, great lyric!
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
I enjoy these NYC tours, it really does put me there, and the commentary is always so sentimental. Central reminds me of Piedmont Park in Atlanta back in my heyday. Except it's Central Park and has 9,000 times more character.
Slim Volume
And over 9,000 characters, Slim. Definitely not a Twittered park!
Comment on One of the first stories about fishwrap. News
When I come to visit will you please take me to the "Ukrainian bar in the East Village?”
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
By all means, Michelle! And we’ll drink a toast to the guy who wrote that article, Bill Bell. One of the craziest, funniest and original guys I have ever met. If you’re reading this Mike Neill, thanks for introducing me to him. This beer’s for you, Bill. And the next six as well!
Comment on Baby Needs Diapers Daily Photo
I saw a sign outside a pizzeria (Fifth Avenue somewhere in the 30s, I think) that said: Pizza to Go in Rear.
MikeN
Ha ha ha! I woke up in that condition one day.
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
Marty, Love it. And I for one plan on sending you lots of JUNK mail. Hey If we do send you oversized packages,you o.k. w/that? Like refrigerators? This is very exciting and inspiring. Xo Ms CosMod
Thanks, Ms CosMod! And a refrigerator would be great, I love to play in refrigerator boxes! xo Marty.
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
feel like i was there with you...but whats that smell?:)
colleen caffeine
Hey Colleen, I wish you would’ve been there! And the smell was from that dirty mustard bottle!
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
i'm going to send you all of my bills. and an occasional larry, for good measure.
biff
An occasional Larry? Ha ha ha! You still gots it Bifferoonie!
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
coffee and a muffin? the only thing THAT's going to stimulate is my colon!
biff
You’re killing me over here, Biff. Here, you need this. rimshot.
Comment on What if Rapper Lil Wayne Wrote Cartoon Captions for the New Yorker? fishwrap
HAHHAHHAHHHAHHAA! Muthafucka!
zemmiwinkadinkledoo
That shit is RUFF, son!
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
Nice stroll!If you need help with that beer in your fridge, let me know...
MissKlaatu
I never need any help with it, MissKlaatu, but you’re more than welcome to it!
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
Bravo Marty, bravo.
tiefighter25
Ever since Bravo started airing commercials, it sucks monkey lungs! (Thanks tiefighter25.)
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
HELLLOOOOOO?!?!??I was wondering... what sort of point are you trying to make?HAHAAA!!I like this a lot, Marty. And 100% Tom-Free!Marty
Marty (Louisville)
HELLLLLOOOO!!! I believe the point is my head. And yes, it’s Tom-free. I haven’t had an error since I’ve been here!
Comment on Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 Condensed Gossip
Love the Rihanna outfit. LOL
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
Yeah, she got all puffy with it!
Comment on Monday, May 4th, 2009 Condensed Gossip
You got anything on Jazzy and Juicy?
Marty (Louisville)
God, I hope not, Marty! I’d hate to see those little fuckers condensed.
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Hey Martissimo, the new website looks frickin' great! It's everything I expected and more. I'll spread the word to both of my friends about it!
Jason Childress
Thanks Jason, I really appreciate the word of mouth. And here’s a plug-ola for Jason’s great new book, Mediocrates. Buy several copies, they make great Mother’s Day gifts!
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Just read your FAQ's. You are mighty negative. Probably because you live in a large stinking city. Take some time to relax
Jane in Key West
Okay Jane, at your insistance I’ll have another beer.
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
Great photos, Marty!Good luck with that swine flu you picked up from that subway wall...looks like more than the words of the prophets on THAT one!I'll drink a beer in honor of the ol' P&G.
Marty (Louisville)
Ha ha ha! Liked the Simon and Garfunkel reference, Marty! And yes, cheers to the P&G a great dive bar. They’ll probably put a fucking Starbucks there.
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
thought it was great. loved the travelogue. you somehow made the subway more inviting.
tom murray
Thanks Tom, glad you enjoyed the trip. That’s not the first trip we’ve taken together, and no I’m not talking about acid. Well...maybe I am!
Comment on fishwrap magazine Product
If you sell back issues of fishwrap- don't forget to send me my 10%
LN
The check’s in the mail, LN! And thanks for not making a cruel face transplant joke over here. I’m trying to keep this fucking place classy.
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Lookin' good Marty. I mean the Web site. You ain't getting any prettier.
DeWayne
Thanks, DeWayne. And yes, that’s sad but true!
Comment on One of the first stories about fishwrap. News
Thanks to you Marty, I have decided to quit my job as a city bus driver and have enrolled in the University of Wisconsin to major in piano moving 101. I hear that pays a little more than regular funiture moving ...
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Stick with me, Professor and you’ll be a homeless crack addict in no time!
Comment on Central Park Photoblog
I can almost smell the urine from here! One thing about urine...it smells the same in every city of the world! I especially like the imagine photo...a nice tribute to Frank Zappa's Help i'm a rock! Imagine that they would freak ...
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Ah yes, I love the smell of urine in the morning, Professor! It smells like...piss.
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
You'll have to thank your pal Jason for mentioning your site on Lulu.I love your FAQs, especially 'what is the time?' and 'what is life?' I'm a mad Brit who might just stalk you...
Carol Townsend
Hey Carol, is that you under the futon? Come on out and have a beer with me! And bring Pete with you.
Comment on Hello! Daily Post
Just stopping by to check out the new "digs".Hope to contribute some smartassery to the place."Boris"
"Boris"
Hey “Boris,” I know you’ve been busy, but what this place needs is a LOT of your smartassery!
Comment on Little Graydon fishwrap
What's up with his hair?????
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
I hear you Michelle! And it’s not only up, it’s down, around and all over the place!
Comment on Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 Condensed Gossip
Where would we be without the big O...., Oprah of course!
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
Ha ha ha! And she sure is big these days!
Comment on A review in my hometown paper. News
As Sean Connery once said in some dogshit movie..."You're the man, now dog!"
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Check this out, Professor! (Hat tip to tiefighter25.)
Comment on Monday, May 4th, 2009 Condensed Gossip
Dude. Love the website but dont fuck with Angel, Britney. That shit aint funny. Joey Delgado
Joey D
Maybe you’re right, Joey, look what happened to K-Fed!
Comment on And Now...Lunch! Daily Post
garden of speedin'! HA HA HA! you still got it, marty!p.s. who is that dude walking next to the old guy? is it moby? or is it ahmet zappa with a beard? speaking of which, i wonder what selma blair's up ...
biff
Thanks Bifferoonie! Your Ahmet Zappa comment cracked me up! You still gots it too!
Comment on Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 Condensed Gossip
if oprah had cheese nips, she'd never leave the house!
biff
Instead she’s got Steadman, that’s why she has to leave the house, to pay his bills!
Comment on The fishwrap Comparison fishwrap
she's got diamonds on her nipples! hey, isn't that a song by kenny chesney?
biff
Ha ha ha! There goes rhymin’ Bifferoonie!
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Big site Marty. I disagree about Col. Sanders. You were too young when we moved from Kentucky.
Terry
Just like a big sister to start an arguement on my website! I’m telling mom!
Posted Marty's Guestbook Marty's Guestbook
Wha diz awl thissshit?
macbruum
For schnizzle, me dizzle.
Comment on Snaxi Daily Photo
Maxi pads could do the same shit! I'd rather ride in a maxi than a snaxi!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Ha ha ha! Good one, Professor!
Comment on Beer Frame Daily Post
"Hey, Richie! Here comes the sun!" I love it. Reminds me of eating chocolate fudge/hashish at a party and it just kicking in and as everybody was starting to leave. Then I got one of those seven hour hard-ons they talk about ...
Ivor
Thanks for stopping by Ivor, but please, point that thing somewhere else, it’s giving me the jitters!
Comment on Website of the Week fishwrap
Marty, what do you think of this? Of the recent ones, I personally like "alone" and "silence."
Hania
It’s hilarious, Hania! I’m going to feature it in two weeks. Thanks for sending it my way! I’ll give you a hat tip when it runs (like that’s a big fucking deal!)
Comment on Swiny Dancer Daily Photo
it ain't kosher to blow hogs!
biff
Oink-vey, Biff, oink-vey!
Comment on Noodling Around fishwrap
Pasta? Fuggetaboudit.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
It’s forgotten already, those guys are a bunch of noodle-heads.
Comment on So I'm Doomed Daily Post
GO BROWNS!
biff
GO BROWNS!
Comment on Crossbreeding Daily Post
And they claim that space aliens don't really exist!
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
They’re the same people who claim if you drink every night you’re an alcoholic! Damn those people.
Comment on So I'm Doomed Daily Post
Go Griefs! Oh, I mean Chiefs.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
Ha ha ha! Good one, Michelle.
Comment on Daily Video Daily Post
That is great, thank you for sharing this. I had not heard of the book.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
It’s a great book Michelle, I’ve read it about a bazillion times.
Comment on And Now...Lunch! Daily Post
Ewwwwwwww
Michelle Ruffin-Stein
It was better than it looked, I promise!
Comment on Six Jolly Things Daily Post
where's oprah?
biff
She’s eating Cheese Nips.
Comment on Website of the Week fishwrap
A classic, Marty!
Marty (Louisville)
It’s a great site, isn’t it? I don’t know where they get all those photos.
Comment on Crossbreeding Daily Post
Does that mean Minnie Driver's Indian name is Puny Leadfoot?
tiefighter25
Ha ha ha! You smoking peace pipe, tiefighter25?
Comment on Daily Video Daily Post
First Asshole on the site to post a comment, "First!"
tiefighter25
Now we know who’s on first. I’ll alert Abbott and Costello.
Comment on Daily Video Daily Post
I'm the second asshole to comment but believe me thai stick25 that if we were in a contest of assholes i would win hands down! I sill have that record jacket! The good ole days!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
I hear you Professor, to the good ole days!
Comment on Beer Frame Daily Post
That's right Marty! I'm lurking about here somewhere, with a beer in my hand! Don't you listen to those 12 stepper's! Drinking is the only way to survive in this cesspool...no...not your website...the world!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Cheers to that, Professor!
Comment on Beer Frame Daily Post
Because, I too, love Vince and his ShamWow. ShaWOW remix!
Joey D
Ha ha ha! Great video, Joey, thanks for sending it!
Comment on Elvis Presley is a Wormfeast Product
I used to buy cocaine from a bartender downtown that sold $20.00 bags from behind the bar with this as their "brandname" stamped on the glassine. You’re FAMOUS.
Joey D
Hey Joey, Human Resources just called and they want to see you. Something about a drug test. Don’t forget to take your PDR, so you won’t fail.
Comment on You Got Any Gum? Daily Post
Being hard of hearing, I might think you said, "I've got a gun!" and hand you my wallet.
MikeN
Huh?
Comment on Beer Frame Daily Post
holla!i'll bet it'd be hard to holla if a hooker bit your tongue off.
biff
He’d holla, “ShamOW!
Comment on ROFLMAO!!! Daily Photo
i think i made out with that mannequin in a bar once.
biff
I felt her up once. Next time you come out here, I’ll hook you up with her, Biff. She’s easy, like Sunday morning!
Comment on You Got Any Gum? Daily Post
She had gum. Did she give you some gum? If all the gum people are girls, I will be suspicious of your motives.
Terry
Terry, you’ve known me my whole life, surely you know by now to be suspicious of ALL my motives!
Comment on Take Two Daily Post
I have just started a new band called the diamond woo hoo's thanks to biff! a fine name indeed!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Is Biff in the band?
Comment on Crossbreeding Daily Post
Aw Fuck.......That made me laugh!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Glad you got a larf out of that, Professor!
Comment on Good Morning Daily Post
Nice tongue motherfucker! I'll bet you are very popular with the over fifty female set! That's what you were going for here.....right? You cunt hound!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment
Ha ha ha! A perfect comment to end with!
Well, that’s that! Thanks for all the comments and stopping by here, everybody! I hope to see and hear from all of you in the future! Happy weekend! Cheers,
Marty.
Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 5:13PM Put That Coffee Down!
One of my favorite movies is Glengarry Glen Ross. And this is my favorite scene from the movie. Alec “Bloviator” Baldwin should’ve gotten an Oscar for this. You know what it takes to sell real estate? Watch this and you’ll find out.
Coffee Is For Closers!
Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 2:29PM It's time for the first episode of "Got Any Gum?" Where I take to the streets of Manhattan and ask a perfect stranger, "You got any gum?"
Today's contestant is Valerie Shires, a stand-up comedian and worker for Children.org. Check out the charity and contribute if you can. But now, on to the most important thing, Valerie, have you got any gum?
And YES! Ding, ding, ding! Valerie has gum! Have a great Thursday and please stay tuned for the next exciting episode of, "You Got Any Gum?"
Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 12:01PM Listening to and writing about the second song on random CD’s from my collection.
Today’s Take Two:
“No Expectations,” the second song on Beggars Banquet by the Rolling Stones.
I believe (and correct me in the comments if I’m wrong,) that this is the only Rolling Stones song without drums. And what a glorious noise the Rolling Stoners make without Charlie their darling.
I love this song. It relaxingly flows back and forth like a gentle wave with a slide guitar surfing on top of it. And great McCartney-flavored bass by Bill Wyman. The clinkity-clink piano at the end is a nice cocktail counter-blance. Wonderful lyrics as well.
"No Expectations"
(M. Jagger/ K. Richards)
Take me to the station
And put me on a train,
I've got no expectations
To pass through here again.
Once I was a rich man and
Now I am so poor,
But never in my sweet short life
Have I felt like this before.
You heart is like a diamond
You throw your pearls at swine,
And as I watch you leaving me
You pack my peace of mind.
Our love was like the water
That splashes on a stone,
Our love is like our music
Its here, and then its gone.
So take me to the airport
And put me on a plane,
I got no expectations
To pass through here again.
Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 2:21AM It’s that time of night. I’m done with work, I’ve got most of my website stuff done for tomorrow so time for a few beers and relax for an hour or two. Or maybe three. Why not go for the gusto? Well one reason is that I have no idea what gusto really is. Not to get all Seinfeldian on your ass, but what’s the deal with the gusto? (dumdoodledumm...doodledeedoot)
You may think since I write about drinking here every night that I have some sort of problem. Well, as long as the fridge is stocked with beer, I’ve got no problem at all! (rimshot) But seriously folks, I’m not alone. Professor Dungpie is usually lurking around here after hours (a great movie by the way!) and I’m also accompanied by the three members of my official ShamWOW zoo. If you’ve never heard of the miraculous ShamWOW product or its coked-to-the-gills, hyper as a chihuahua on crack, Vince spokesperson, then check out this video.
Vince and the miracle of ShamWOW inspired my friend Ash to create ShamWOW bunnies. And being a ShamWOW fanatic myself, I had to have them. And further inspiration led her to make a ShamWOW monkey. So quicker than you cand say, “here they come walkin’ down the street,” I purchased that one as well. Here they are in all their ShamWOW glory! I named them (left to right): Vince 1, Vince 2, and Vince 3.
They are the perfect drinking companions since their little beers never get empty, so they’re not pilfering any out of my supply. And Vince 2 is so high on mushrooms, he has no idea that he doesn’t even have a beer!
So cheers to all of you from the four of us here on 16th Street in beautiful downtown Manhattan!
Oh and of course Cheers to Vince, the man who thinks we all spend twenty dollars a month on paper towels...well, maybe you do spend that much if you’re beating the shit out of a hooker for biting your tongue off!
Cheers,
Marty
P.S. Ash, the creator of my ShamWOW zoo, has her own website, check it out right here. And you can see all her creations here.
Goodnight Professor Dungpie, wherever you are! Oh and I appreciate all the comments that have been left and every Friday in a post I’m going to comment back to some of them. A special shout-out and thanks to my two top commentators of the week, Michelle and Biff! Your comments always make my day, thanks. Okay, I’m going to go drink now.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 4:26PM Paperback Writer
The Beatles were one of the first bands to ever make a music video and here it is, one of my favorite Beatles songs, “Paperback Writer.” Paul McCartney has said that the harmonies in the song were influenced by the Beach Boys. Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 3:50PM Jolly Roger
Jolly Time Popcorn
Holly Jolly Christmas
Jolly Rancher
Jolly Old St. Nicholas
Jolly Green Giant
Pete Jolly—Space Age Music Maker!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 1:35PM I think the karma god's are going to doom me for my latest facebook entry:
Okay, the karma gods will doom me for this, but is this woman the new poster woman for facebook or what?
http://www.nypost.com/seven/05062009/news/nationalnews/medical_miracle_167821.htm
