Beer Frame

Commentators of the Week!

Like I said last week, I really appreciate all the comments you people are leaving! Through the week I’m too busy posting before I go to work to answer back to them, but I read each and every one of them and a lot of the times the comment is funnier than what I’ve posted! So in the spirit of that, I’ve decided that every Friday I’ll pick one to three comments from each commentator and spotlight them right here in the Beer Frame. Thanks again for the great comments, they’re an integral part of the show every week! And now, the highlights!

All I can say is....at least that damn Jon and Kate aren't on the cover. I'm sick of them.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein

He's taking a bath with his clothes on to prep himself for his jail stint coming up. Now he needs to practice taking a shower without removing his drawers.
Joey D

First you fuck up a Roy Clark show and then later you move on to Richie Havens and destroy his career and then you defame Zager and Evans by calling them cocksuckers and now you are fucking with Brittney! You are a dangerous man!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment

awww...mr. softie. i like his meringue helmet. and, no, i am not referring to his dick.
biff

http://www.mistersofteeflorida.com/mistersoftee4_008.htm
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
tiefighter25

Bristol Palin should have stayed home and done her homework and not cavorted with neanderthals, and she wouldn't be having Rosemary's Baby now...
Aaron

Duane Reade. That's a weird store name. Donna Reed might sound more 'wholesome'. HA!
ZEmmiwinkleintime

Can I get a copy of that photo of you plastered in the bathroom, Marty? Oh wait...that's a reflection of you, plastered, in the mirror...not a photo!
Marty (Louisville)

Yo, dude in orange, the 80's called, they want you to send their outfit back to Miami.
tiefighter25

HAHHHA! SNORT SNORT!
ZEmmiwinkleintime

diet coke? isn’t that like decaffeinated coffee to you dew swillers?
tom murray

I love 'Hi Asshole'. Always makes me giggle Maybe it could be a new red link - or Hi Asshole Mondays or Hi Asshole Fridays.
Madonna

http://www.latfh.com/
someone took the idea!
Madonna

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game? Because there was a face-off at center ice.
Joey D

Curse you, Joey D! That was my one and only leper joke, and you beat me to it.
Mike

what do you call a retarded leper? a leopard!
biff

What do you call a leper that can suck a golfball through 50 feet of garden hose? Zager and Evans!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment

My mother had leprosy. And she never, ever spelled it "leperosy."
Mike

In the year 2525... we'll still be hearing that goddam song on oldies radio, Marty!
Marty (Louisville)

The drawing makes Esa-Pekka-Pickle-Pepper, or whoever, look just like Peter Gallagher sucking a salted lemon.
Aaron

Good to see the washroom serves not only "gentlemen" but plain, ordinary "MEN" as well. Or maybe the big, easy-to-get-it letters are for those plastered times! Does the bathroom for the other sex say "ladies" and "WOMEN?”
MissKlaatu

Marty, Thanks for the laugh. I am so going to hell now. No worries, I was already headed in that direction!
Ash

Did anyone ever eat Shiavo?
“Boris”

I would have eaten Shiavo but she wasn't shavoed so i ate Ginger from Gilligans Island!
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment

do you think they should be concerned about a snacklash?
daverey

OH god to the right in the related box were quite the funniest commercials.. that was fun..i now wanna use chopsticks on jello.. which i hate by the way.. maybe because i am not a chinese baby... and i want a black young boy in my yard to fix my kids bikes!
Gidget

I've seen worse, actually...once, somebody took that picture and superimposed it onto classic album covers. My favorite was "Schiavo Comes Alive!" (Instead of Peter Frampton)
Aaron Smith

666 AND an Ass To Mouth reference on the awning??? I want a roast beef sandwich from this place!!!
Joey D

Good Lord that Liza picture will sure wake a person up. I think I burned my retinas by looking at it. You owe me for eye surgery Marty. LOL!

Oh and about that stupid Jon and Kate thing, friends at work watch it. I guess it is a show about people who have never heard of the idea of CONTRACEPTION!!!
Michelle Ruffin-Stein

i liked the novelty candy store. just what every child wants. cigarettes and candy.
tom murray

hey wait the orange guy is my high school sweetheart.. i miss him!
Gidget

Wait! The guy in the orange...could it be? A little older and weathered but...
Ted Jacobs

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_m43ZmecYV4w/SKS6QhUeF2I/AAAAAAAABSI/7Fax85Z2c5I/s400/sayer1.jpg
Ted Jacobs

A 22-year-old tipsy soccer fan celebrating on a chartered bus after a match in West Bromwich, England, in January, was run over by a motorist after he fell out the back door of the bus, believing it led to the restroom.
Michelle Ruffin-Stein

Yo, dude in orange, the 80's called, they want you to send their outfit back to Miami.
tiefighter25

when i say "i'm actually blowing a few," i'm usually referring to farts. hey, now that i'm thinking about it, farting really makes me feel good. thanks, oprah!
biff

I could have sworn I left that Hollaway chick right here.
tiefighter25

i don’t get it.
LN

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Thanks again everybody, hilarious stuff! Oh and I’m posting this from a 24-hours Kinkos. My modem at home is still broke, so I’ll post the photo of the day and a fishwrap entry right now, and hopefully the fucking cable guy will show up closer to noon than to four and he can fix the fucking thing! If postings are scarce tomorrow check back in the afternoon/early evening. And now I’m going home to have a beer or seven.

Cheers,

Marty

Video of the Day

LSD’s Da Bomb!

This is the greatest of all Joe Friday speeches in my book. I love the “Marijuana’s the flame, heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb” part! Ha ha ha! The quality is a little shitty, but it’s still one of my favorite video’s on YouTube.

Marijuana’s the flame, heroin’s the fuse and LSD is the bomb!

Alternative Titles for Sperm

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Here’s that list I mentioned in the last post.

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Dong barf, manonaise, penis pudding, Elmer’s spoo, the other white sauce, dick snot, white out, Mel’s torment, glee juice, white rum, Harvey, cream of meat, albino love piss, sex sauce, eruption of white, man milk, H 2 Whoa!, jerk sauce, handjob cream, masturbation gravy, asleep at the feel, cock phlegm, oops...I did it again, horsey wagon, jizz juice, white christmas, fuzzy slippers, Aunt Edna, chickenman gravy, tea for the spillerman, every schoolboy’s surprise, Dan the antenna, Thurdays and Saturdays, President Truman, dirty socks, a pile of magazines, night rally, stone dust, fish, cheerio old chap, mittens, Dick Dale, several empty boxes, white knuckles, corduroy, checkers, vanilla waffles, toenail clippers, a pile of flags, two turtledoves, toe jam, hair dryers, combs, San Quentin Prison, Crispian St. Peters, angels with dirty faces, lemonade, a Bic lighter, keyboards, plaid suitcase, have a good day, the weekend, vodka and orange juice, shave and a haircut two bits, tattoos, swimming pool, an office building, puppy dogs, deodorant, Abe Vigoda, The Supreme Court, The Supremes, an oak tree, a tray of ice cubes, zip discs, Eminem, underwear, eight track tape player, 300 miles out of Florida, wire rim eyeglasses, a white washing machine, The Bay City Rollers, Harlem, a walk in the park, fresh warm cookies, Valentine’s Day, Diet Snapple, Foghorn Leghorn, Tums, two packs of Camel Lights, Sgt. Carter, Old Chen lazy gravy, The Buckinghams, a snow shovel, mud, black and white, toilet cleanser, freckles, orange peels, and last but not least, my favorite alternative title for sperm...(drumroll): Uncle Spunky’s coming over for another surprise visit, duck!

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Creamed Corn

I really hate creamed corn and I’m highly suspicious of people who eat it. The name sounds disgusting and it really looks gross, like the Jolly Green Giant jerked off all over a corn field and then made his little niblet slaves put it in cans.

On a somewhat related note, I once compiled a list of alternative titles for sperm and one of them was “cream of meat.” Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Squeal of Fortune!

This is a game I’m going to post every now and again. Basically it’s kind of like Wheel of Fortune, sans Vanna White, Pat Sajak and cash and prizes. And contestants and a wheel. And a studio audience.

Below I’m putting a sentence with some letters left blank and a clue. The first person to correctly fill in the blanks in the comments section wins. I’ll post their name tomorrow and they can squeal for joy and/or like a pig.

Okay, here’s the clue:

This is something John Lennon used to shout out backstage after a Beatles concert if a certain type of person was in or near their dressing room.

_ripp_ _s     _ei_!

I’ll announce the winner if there is one and the answer tomorrow. So you’ve got that to look forward to. Woo and hoo.

Truly a day from hell

Okay, so I got up earlier than usual only to find that my modem on my computer isn't working. After an hour on the phone waiting to talk to someone I finally got someone from Jabillkastaaan who could barely speak English to ask me if my modem was plugged into a power outlet. After assuring him it was, he asked if my cable TV was working and I told him it was, then he put me on hold for a half an hour and then came back to tell me in clipped English that someone could come out to look at my modem TOMORROW, between noon and four. Who knows if they will even fix it then. Anyway, I'm going to post some stuff now from Kinko's and some stuff later. This SUCKS! And how is YOUR morning going?

Daily Video

Ram On

I’ve always felt like Ram by Paul McCartney and Wings is an underrated album. There’s lots of good songs on it, including this one, which is probably my favorite one on the album. One funny thing here is if you take the two words and squash them tongether they spell, Ramon. And Paul McCartney used to call himself Paul Ramon in the early days of the Beatles. And that’s where the Ramones got their idea for their name. The old circle just spins round and round. Just like this record.

Ram On

Got Any Gum?

Welcome to another exciting edition of, “Got Any Gum?”

Today’s contestant is Bob Muller, owner of Olde Good Things (telephone—212-989-8401.) I found Bob by his Traveling Circus Truck on Fifth Avenue featuring some of his salvaged items from the 1860’s to the 1930’s.

And now...it’s time to play, “Have You Got Any Gum?”

Bob, have you got any gum?

And, yes! Ding, ding, ding! Bob’s got gum! And it’s Orbit, the same as last week’s contestant...hey Orbit, would it kill you to give me some sort of sponsorship deal? Sheesh!

Hi Assholes!

Hi Assholes!

Good Morning?

The thing I hate about morning is that mine occurs in the afternoon and it confuses me. I'll be posting some stuff soon. First I need to drink some diet Mountain Dew and wake the fuck up. Oof.