Hi Asshole!

Hi Asshole!

Winning Lottery Ticket!

Okay this motherfucker is up to 146 million bucks! And this has to be the winning ticket. You know the deal, I win and we start out here in New York until the AB Bar opens in France and then it’s off to France and then who knows where else. I plan to keep the party going for as long as 15 million dollars can last (I’m using the rest of the money to set friends and family up. If you join the party and you make it for the whole ride, I’ll give you $100,000 at the end to get you back on your feet in the real world.) If you think you can keep up, then all you have to do is say, “I’m in” in the comments below.

And really think positive and imagine this happening, because it can!

Blast From The Past

 ROLLING STONE, Sept. 30, 1982

Pictured, Richard Gere

Headline: Richard Gere Loosens Up

Careful Richard don’t get too loose, you don’t want those gerbils falling out of your ass!

Commentator Corner

Even though Frankie Headbanger doesn’t comment often, he is a silent and loyal reader of TMWS, so I’m happy to feature his work here. If you remember back when I had the Special Guest Star Page (which I had to fold because it was too much trouble), Frankie is a rock ‘n’ roll photographer and has a wealth of material from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Today he’s sharing two shots he took of the Talking Heads, here’s Frankie to tell you all about it. Take it away, Frankie!

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I took these photo's of The Talking Heads back in 1980. It was in the Capitol Theater in Passaic, New Jersey. This Theater featured everything from old time burlesque fan dancing strippers to The Rolling Stones. Personally. I saw the following in no particular order...  Foghat, Todd Rudgren, Lou Reed, Mountain, The New York Dolls, The Talking Heads (and probably a few more I can't remember.) The buiding was demolished in 1991.

Frankie Headbanger

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Thanks Frankie, I look forward to seeing more of your rock ‘n’ roll collection!

Frankie Headbanger

T.F.I.F!

Woo fucking hoo! Thank fuck it’s Friday!

If you’re tuning in right now you’re probably noticing I’m starting the show a little early. That’s because I have to be in to work at noon today in instead of the afternoon. So I’m up early, guzzling diet Mountain Dew and trying in vain to wake up. I agree with the crack monkey up there, morning DOES suck. See, Motherfucker?

In spite of all this I have a fun Friday show lined up for you. Sadly I can’t check my P.O. Box because I’ll be at work and there’s no time to do it before I go in, so I’ll check it on Monday. But we do have Frankie Headbanger in the Commentator Corner with two of his original rock ‘n’ roll photos taken in Noo Joisy, I’ll be posting the winning Lottery ticket for tonight and there’ll be a blast from the past and of course a fake and a Daily Video to cap things off.

I really like the Home Page art “Boris” came up with today, kind of retro and mod, really cool work, Daddio! Perfect for a Friday. If you’ve got a website and need some art to dress it up, “Boris is available for freelance work. He also designs CD covers, logos, does retouching and just about anything you can imagine. Just go to the Home Page Art and take a look at what he’s done here! If you need some freelance artwork done, just send me an email and I will forward it to “Boris.”

Okay Daily Photo and Condensed Gossip will be up quicker than a fiddler’s dick can say, “How do you do?” Happy Friday everyone!

Closing Credits

Produced, directed and written by Marty Wombacher

Theme song and announcer: Slim Volume

Resident artist: “Boris”

Contributing Writers (Comments section, listed in order of comment):
Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment!
bhennessey
grompf
Joey D
biff
JHwang
Zioum Zioum The Chainsaw
"Boris"
Gene1

Thanks for tuning in and contributing everyone, we’ll see you tomorrow at THE MARTY WOMBACHER SHOW!

Daily Video

Okay, so to cap off Whore Thursday, what better way to do it than with a video of Cheap Trick’s song, “He’s A Whore.”

I know how about three different video versions? Here you go, enjoy!

TO WHORES!

Internet Whore Whumor

Here’s some fun Whore things I found while surfing the whore-filled internet.

Whores 4 Sale!

Humor In Whores

Blonde Whore

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a whore and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can eat my wife’s blue pussy. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" 

The man agreed and told her to wait right there and when he came back with the money she was gone. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"Where did you go?" he asked. 

“Right after you went to get your money, I saw your wife’s pussy running towards the back yard, so I caught it and ate it. Oh and by the way, it’s not blue and it looked kind of like a racoon. It tasted like chicken!

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The Ostrich Whore

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for an ostrich whore. It’s an expensive animal to fuck, but I’ve got the cash!"

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Selling the Whore

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.

"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."

"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"

"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.

"You're sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her, right?"

"Oh, No," said the drunk. I want her back because she’s a whore and she makes really good money. What the fuck was I thinkng?" 

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I Thought You Were My Whore

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.  She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my whore. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

"Okay, okay, here’s fifty bucks if you shut up," he offered.

“For a hundred I’ll suck you off,” the woman countered.

“Deal!,” the drunk happily retorted. 

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