Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 5:47PM CRAPtastic!
My friend Louisville Marty has been sending me videos he dubs, CRAPtastic. I thought from time to time I would post his CRAPtastic finds here on the Daily Video. Here’s Bernie Taupin introducing William Shatner interpreatating the song Rocket Man. It’s a smoking, CRAPtastic video! Thanks Louisville Marty!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 3:49PM I want to thank this week's Special Guest Star, Gary Pig Gold for appearing here all week! His Pat Boone story was hilarious and entertaining. It'll still be there tomorrow, but Gary has to move down the couch one place as we introduce this week's guest star, Hap Mansfield.
Hap was my editor for awhile at the brilliant Toast website, which was her genius creation. You'll learn more about her tomorrow, I'm thrilled she's agreed to appear on The Marty Wombacher Show.
Till then, Check out Gary's story if you haven't done so. Thanks to you all!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 1:14PM 
Nobody guessed all three answers, although Biff and Professor Dungpie came frightfully close. and I appreciated tiefighter 25’s echoed comments. And Beau Brooks is mentioned further down in the post.
Here's the answers from yesterday's Squeal of Fortune:
Talk show host:
JOE FRANKLIN
Comedian:
SARAH SILVERMAN
Documentary
THE ARISTOCRATS
In August of 2005 The Aristocrats came out and featured a bunch of comedians telling the world’s dirtiest joke. This is a joke that everyone spins differently and Sarah claimed to have been part of the act. Here’s a clip of it:
Here’s a Wikipedia entry on the subject:
A minor controversy also arose over Silverman's performance in the documentary film The Aristocrats released in August 2005. The film, in which numerous comedians tell a famously ribald improvisational joke, featured Silverman giving an apparently autobiographical account of her life as a child sex performer. During the course of the act she mentions how Joe Franklin, a New York radio and TV personality whose nostalgic programs have aired since the early 1950s, would ask her to perform privately for him in his apartment. The act finished with Silverman looking at the camera and, in a deadpan voice, accusing Franklin of having raped her. After the film came out, Franklin took offense to Silverman's performance, concerned that it would hurt his reputation, and considered suing Silverman. When pressed by the New York Times in September 2005 over whether he would sue, he remained undecided, but said, "the best thing I could do is get Sarah better writers so she'd have funnier material.
Uh, Joe, she writes her own material. Asshole!
And Beau Brooks commented that Wendy Liebman was in the Aristocrats, I love this film and she turned the whole joke around and this was probably the most original version of the joke, enjoy!
Thanks to everyone for playing and we’ll see you all next week on...SQUEAL OF FORTUNE!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 11:58AM 
Monday is gone and here comes Tuesday. Lots of fun planned for today, after the Daily Photo, Condensed Gossip and the first fishwrap post I’m going to put up the Squeal of Fortune answer and story behind the question. I’ve also got a bit called, “Stages,” I’ll be out on the road doing “Dog Day Afternoon” and there’s going to be a lot of other crap so check back often. The red links at the bottom of the Home Page will direct you to the latest update. Daily Photo will be up in less than a minute, so check back often throughout the day. Happy Tuesday!
As always on during the week, the Home Page art is by "Boris," and today includes genuine Cheap Trick guitar picks from "Boris'" personal collection. And remember, "Boris" is available for any freelance artwork, just send me an email and I'll pass along the information.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 2:00AM 
I’m really fucking tired tonight so I thought I’d write up a quick booze tale and then have a few beers and collapse. In fact, maybe I’ll make this a new series, called, “Booze Tales from the Past.”
A year ago from last April I had flown back to Peoria, Illinois to visit my folks and my sister and her family. I flew American Airlines and the trip home was a fucking nightmare. I hate to fly, so I had boozed it up before the flight to Chicago. I got there and my flight to New York was delayed. So, I went to a bar and had another couple beers, next flight, delayed. This happened three times more and then they cancelled the flight. So I stood in line and this woman gives me a card and says to call the number and they’ll be instructions as to what to do. Well I call and get a lot of recorded mumbo jumbo, so I hike back to the counter and she says real rudely, “I told you to call the number, that’s all I can do for you.”
So I held my cell phone out and said, “If you can get a real person on the phone, then I’ll leave, otherwise I’m staying right here.”
She scowled at me asked my name and punched a bunch of shit in the computer. She looked snidely at me and said, “I can get you on a flight to Cincinnati and then you get a connection there that will get you to New York by midnight. Will that make you happy?” She asked really condescendingly.
“That would make me ecstatic,” I shot back and she printed up the tickets.
It’s too long to get into, and maybe I’ll write the whole thing up later, but while in the Cincinnati airport, I got arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct because I yelled at an American Airlines employee who was really fucking rude to me. I got beaten up by some hick cop and spent the night in the Boone County jail. Needless to say, it was a long night. I made my own bail in the morning, got a 10:00 am flight to New York and all I wanted when I got on that plane was a beer.
After we took off and the plane stabilized, they brought the beloved drink cart around. I ordered a can of Budweiser and the stewardess gave it to me and smiled. She was fat and missing a couple teeth and I think she liked me. These are the types of babes I attract. I did think to myself that she’d probably be toothless in another couple years and would probably give a good gummer. As I drank my beer I heard her kind of arguing with a passenger saying she didn’t have any change. Now I’m a seasoned drunk flier and I know you should always board a plane loaded with one dollar bills, because they don’t have a lot of change for drinks. So I say to her, "Do you need some ones?”
“Can you change a ten?” She asked flashing that scary grin at me.
“It would make my day to do so,” I told her and counted out the ones.
“She thanked me profusely and on her way back she set a can of Budweiser on my tray and said, “Thanks, sweetie, this one’s on the house,” and she winked at me.
I thanked her, told myself not to have too many more. I’m not a member of the mile high club and I sure didn’t want to join it with her. Taking a swig out of it I realized that about 24 hours earlier, this airline was having me arrested for being drunk. And now they’re giving me free beer! That was one of the best beers I ever had. Sometimes life is pretty sweet.
The show starts right around noon. Come on back then! I hope to see you.
Cheers,
Marty.
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 7:15PM Ahnold The Governater in a Japanese commercial. I’m not sure what it is he’s selling, but it appears to be a bottle of Japanese LSD
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 3:48PM Every thirteen and a half years, like clockwork, I have lunch with writer Mike Neill and today was the day. True/Slant writer Lewis Grossberger was invited along as well (hey, the guy was panhandling outside of the restaurant, it was the least we could do.)
It was a fabulous lunch and vibrant conversation with topics ranging from jokes about Farrah Fawcett to Nazi’s to Sarah Palin’s vagina right back to Nazi's.
The waitress caught the action on my camera and below is the fascinating series of portraits I call: Four shots of three assholes. (Lew is on the left, I’m in the middle and Mike is on the right. The seating arrangement doesn’t necessarily reflect our political leanings.)
Mike used to write for People magazine and I hounded him for publicity so badly through the years that he’s now writing for a dog magazine. Lewis writes for True/Slant and you can follow him by clicking right here: Lewis at True/Slant.
Thanks for lunch guys, I’ll see both of you in another decade or so!
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 3:28PM There's a new bar blog up featuring the Hippy Nuts. Check it out here: Bar Blog.
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 12:26PM 
This is a game I’m going to post every week on Mondays. Basically it’s kind of like Wheel of Fortune, sans Vanna White, Pat Sajak and cash and prizes. And contestants and a wheel. And a studio audience.
Below I’m putting a sentence with some letters left blank and a clue. The first person to correctly fill in the blanks in the comments section wins. I’ll post their name tomorrow if there is one and they can squeal for joy and/or like a pig.
Okay, here’s the clue (no fair Googling!):
In 2005 Joe Franklin almost sued this comedian when she jokingly claimed in a documentary that he had raped her.
Name the talk show host, the comedian and the documentary.
Talk show host:
•O• F••NK••N
Comedian:
S••a• •il•erm••
Documentary
T•• A•is••cr••s
