daily poll

Intro

Click play to hear opening theme by bandleader and announcer, Slim Volume.

Beer Frame

Master Boozer Series
Tonight focusing on Dean Martin

I thought since this is my late night column called “Beer Frame,” I would start a series called the “Master Boozer Series,” that will run from time to time. The focus will always be on someone who was a Master Boozer.

Tonight’s subject is Dean Martin and I always loved Dino! I’ve read several books on him and he was a guy who truly did not give a flying fuck.

He loved to drink, but what most people don’t know is that when he did his act, he was almost always sober. That was apple juice in his glass, he’d wait till after the show to get loaded. It shows what a great actor he was, because he convinced everybody he was loaded to the gills every performance.

Dean Martin didn’t give a fuck about anything and he proved that when he split up the successful duo of Martin and Lewis. They had contracts for movies and TV shows worth millions, but Dino had had it, and no one could talk him out of it. After their last show, Jerry Lewis had a few drinks and called Dean Martin at his suite in the same hotel. He spilled his guts telling him he idolized him and finally he told Dean that he loved him.

Dean Martin waited a beat and then said, “Kid, all you’ve ever been to me is a fucking dollar sign" and then hung up on him.

So tonight, cheers to the Master Boozer, Dean Martin!

I’ll see you all later, around noon.

Cheers,

Marty

Daily Video

She Said, She Said 

In the 1965 the Beatles rented a house in California and one day Peter Fonda and the Byrds came by and they all took LSD. Peter Fonda kept telling John Lennon, that he knew what it was like to be dead. Lennon told him to shut up, because he was making him feel like he was never born. And later, this song was born!

My joke from this song is:

Q. Do you know what Wilma said when she tried on Fred Flintsone’s clothing?

A. She said, “I know what it’s like to be Fred...and you’re making me feel like I’ve never been born.” Rim Shot.

Children's Letters To The Marty Wombacher Show

Dear Herman,
Big fucking deal. I slept under the desk last night because that’s where I landed after falling dead drunk off my chair. And why do you think I give a good flying rats-ass where the fuck you sleep anyway, asshole? Tell it to Michael Jackson, maybe he’ll get a hard-on and let you jerk him off.

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Dear Marilyn,
I heard that fucking joke about 45 years ago and it wasn’t funny then and guess what? If still sucks ass. And I’ve never met you, Marilyn, we’re hardly, “friends.” You dirty slut!
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Dear Bobby,
Nice penmanship there, asshole! Oh, you turned four-years-old, well whoop-dee-fucking-doo! Ooh, what a big man you are! You’re a fucking dipshit is what you are. You know how old I am Bobbly? I’m 51-fucking-years old, so I know a little more about life than you, so just shut your fucking trap and let me explain the ride you’re about to step on.

So, you’re four-years-old, Bobby, that means that you’ve been staying at home with your mom or going to day care while your folks go to work and your brothers and/or sisters go to school. Everybody else is out there busting their humps while you fiddle-fuck the day away doing whatever the fuck you feel like. Well, enjoy your year, asshole, because you know what happens when you turn five? Your ass gets shipped off to kindergarten and then after that 8 long years of grade school.

Teachers forcing you to learn shit you’re never going to need as an adult. Your mind will get stuffed with garbage and rules and regulations. “Don’t talk, don’t chew gum, sit up straight, don’t laugh,” and on and on and on. It never fucking ends, Bobby. This crap is going to rain down on you like a severe thunderstorm of bullshit. And it never ends.

After grade school you have high school, Bobby and if you think grade school was suck-o city, wait till you hit these magical four years. Because in addition to the studying, homework, constant shit from teachers and your parents, more rules and regulations, well now you can throw rejection from girls and being ostracized from people who won’t let you hang out with them because you’re not “cool” enough. High school can be summed up in two words, Bobby: Columbine High.

And then after high school you can either have four more years of bullshit and go to college or you can go to work. Yeah, that’s right, Bobby, work. Work is a real treat. That’s where you get to go somewhere and get shit on by people for about eight hours for the privilege of a paycheck that with any luck will just cover your rent and expenses and maybe eight or ten beers, because you’ll need them at the end of the day just to escape the fucking hellhole that you will find yourself in. Life, it’s the orginal four letter word.

So you just turned four, huh, Bobby? Well enjoy this year, asshole, because it is all DOWNHILL for you after that. Oh, and Bobby? One last thing: FUCK YOU!

Where The Neon Lights Are Pretty

I love neon signs and New York is chock-a-block full of them. Every now and then I thought I’d post a picture of interesting neon signs I run into in my travels.

This is one sign in midtown and I love it! It’s a scissors that opens and shuts. I could stare at it opening and closing for hours. It’s right up there with shiny things and twirling objects. This is genius neon! Enjoy!

Tuesday...it feels like Monday...

Hello everybody and welcome back! Some of you may have missed it because of the holiday, but yesterday I posted a new entry in the bars section. The other daily sections have been updated and check back often as there will be multiple updates here and in the fishwrap section. Now it's time for some diet Mountain Dew and try to wake the fuck up. Have a happy Tuesday, if that's possible.

Daily Poll

Intro

Click play to hear opening theme by bandleader and announcer, Slim Volume.

Beer Frame

It’s an early “Beer Frame” tonight, usually I write these around two in the morning, after I get off work, but tonight is Memorial Day and there is no work! Hooray! I decided to go to the Chat ‘n Chew for my Memorial Day feast. And you can come too!

Here’s the Chat ‘n Chew, it’s just about a block from where I live and it’s a fun place with great food.

And here’s our waitress, Pam. Pam was super-nice, super-cute and super efficient. I placed my order and baboom...

She was back with the meal.

Here's a shot of the meal, a cheeseburger, fries and lots of mustard. (Anyone who puts ketchup on a cheeseburger is a fucking nutcase!)

Thanks Pam! It was delicious! Happy Memorial Day everyone, stop back tomorrow around noon for more of the Marty Wombacher Show! Cheers, Marty