Happy Anniversary To Me!

Sixteen years ago on this day I was on a plane flying to New York City. I had quit my job I had worked for 13 years in Peoria, Illinois, cashed in my pension plan and I knew around four people in New York. I sold almost everything I owned including a car, a stereo system, furniture, records, clothing and moved to New York with a computer, a suit and tie (for job interviews), two pairs of jeans, a couple of shirts and some underwear and socks. I remember flying from Peoria to Chicago to get my connecting flight to New York and all of a sudden I felt really fucking scared. I also felt more alive and excited than I ever had been in my life.

It’s been a crazy 16 years out here, lots of good times and lots of weird and bad times as well. I can’t wait to see what the next 16 years brings, and if you’re reading this right now, thanks. I’m happy you joined this ride, let’s see where it takes us!

Fuck!

I hate the fucking daytime! But it’s here so all we can do is make the most of it and go on with this show!

And speaking of show, it’s going to be a good one today. We’ve got the Squeal of Fortune answer and winner to be announced, a new Crossbreeding episode, my anniversary story, plus a new Daily Photo, Condensed Gossip and multiple updates at fishwrap.

And if you’re here, you’ve probably already seen the genius Home Page artwork done by our resident artist, “Boris.” Another great job by “Boris” and another chance for me to remind you “Boris is available for freelance artwork ranging from CD covers to logos, to website art to whatever. Just send me an email and I’ll forward it to “Boris.”

And now...on with the show!

Stay tuned or check back at the bottom of the Home Page for current updates. Happy Tuesday! 

Closing Credits

Closing Credits

Produced, directed and written by Marty Wombacher

Theme song and announcer: Slim Volume

Resident artist: “Boris”

Special Guest Star: Frankie Headbanger

Contributing Writers (Comments section, listed in order of comment):

"Boris"

houdini

Zioum Zioum The Chainsaw

Joey D

Gene1

JHwang

biff

Rich

grompf

meleah rebeccah

wendylouwho

Beau Brooks

To Whores!

Squeal of Fortune!

This is a game I’m going to post every week on Mondays. Basically it’s kind of like Wheel of Fortune, sans Vanna White, Pat Sajak and cash and prizes. And a wheel. Below I’m putting a sentence with some letters left blank and a clue. The first person to correctly fill in the blanks in the comments section wins. I’ll post their name tomorrow if there is one and they can squeal for joy and/or like a pig.

Okay, here’s the clue (no fair Googling!):

Name the first rap/hip hop song to break into the U.S. top forty, the song that was sampled in it and the name of the recording artist.

Recording Artist:  •he   •u••rh•ll   •a•g

Song:  “•a••e•’s   D•li••t”

Sampled song:  “•o•d   T••es”

Referee Signals

O.F.I.M.

Oh fuck, it’s Monday!

Where the fuck did the three day weekend go? Plus I’m stuck working the day shift again today and possibly all week. So once again, I’ll be posting this on my breaks and lunch time, if it gets absolutely crazy, I will post a notice that the show will happen at night.

Either way we’ve got a good Monday lined up. I’ve got a brand new edition of Squeal of Fortune and a story about me meeting Sam Kinison complete with pictures and updates at the Daily Photo and Condensed Gossip, plus multiple updates at fishwrap,

Cool as tits, huh? As always “Boris” has done a fantastic job on the Home Page art! And if you’re a regular viewer, you already know that “Boris” is available for all your freelance art needs, be it a CD cover, a logo, website art and more. Just send me an email and I will pass it on to the talented “Boris.”

Okay, let’s get this motherfucking show on the road! The Daily Photo will be posted in minutes and then a lot more crap. Stay tuned or check back at the bottom of the Home Page for current updates.

We’re all alright!

Closing Credits

Closing Credits
(This is going up early, because I have to work the dayshift tomorrow. Goodnight and thanks for all the comments! I loved them!)

Produced, directed and written by Marty Wombacher

Theme song and announcer: Slim Volume

Resident artist: “Boris”

Special Guest Star: Frankie Headbanger

Contributing Writers (Comments section, listed in order of comment):
Joey D
JHwang
scott
"Boris"
Zioum Zioum The Chainsaw
Marty (Louisville)
David Slockbower
Gene1
Grompf
biff
wendylouwho

To Whores!

Daily Video

Connie Stevens

Here’s one from Louisville Marty’s CRAPtastic collection. It’s Connie Stevens butchering a smorgasbord of rock ‘n’ roll songs. I always got a kick out of straight entertainers who tried to become mod and hip in the ‘60s and just looked foolish. This is a classic example.

Thanks and a hat tip to Louisville Marty for sharing his CRAPtastic collection with us!

Louisville Marty

Okay, on three. One, Two, Three...

Hi Assholes!

This Is My Mind On Jesus

If Jesus was a game show host, everyone would win a brand new Norge refrigerator, win or lose. Jesus likes it when people are able to properly cool their food and liquid products. And he loves people to have ice, so they have the ability to make a nice cold drink, any old time of the day or night. Hooray for Jesus!

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Jesus is also a Spanish name but it’s pronounced, “Hayzooz.” Which sounds like you’re calling out to another God, “Hey Zeus.” Oh, don’t be jealous Jesus, we like you way better than Zeus!

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Jesus hates Zeus. That’s okay Jesus, you can have hate in your holy heart. We forgive you, because you forgive us. Now pick up your mat and walk. Ha ha ha! We kid you because we love you, Jesus!

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Jesus’ official job title is, “Son of God.” I’ve always felt it should be, “Son of a God.” You know, like you say, “Son of a bitch.” Or, “Son of a gun.” “Son of God” makes Jesus sound like a psycho serial killer, like “Son of Sam.” You’re not a psycho serial killer, are you, Jesus? Gosh, I certainly hope not. I don’t want you to strangle me in my sleep tonight with a coat hanger. I think I’ll wear a scarf to bed tonight just in case, Jesus.

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Jesus mostly wears flowing robes and sandals, but when he works at his desk in his office in heaven, he often wears a suit, tie and he has shiny brown wingtip shoes on his feet. After a long day of creating miracles, deciding where disasters should happen, forgiving sinners and picking who goes to heaven and who goes to hell, Jesus’ tie is loosened, the top shirt button is undone and he’s ready for a few stiff drinks. Cheers, Jesus!

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Hey Jesus, what’s that aftershave you’re wearing? It’s got a manly aroma and it just drives the ladies absolutely wild! No wonder Mary Magdalen was so ga-ga over you. You’re a man’s man, Jesus!

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This really has nothing to do with you Jesus, but one word can describe Mary Magdalen. And that word is: WHORE. TO WHORES!

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If Jesus worked at Taco Bell, he could turn the Pepsi into wine and the taco shells into loaves of bread. Then he would slice the bread, take the taco ingredients and make grilled taco sandwiches. They wouldn’t taste very good, but people would be so drunk off the wine, they’d order one sandwich after another and soon Taco Bell’s stock would quintuple. You’re not only the best savior in the world Jesus, you’re a freaking marketing genius!

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I said it at the top of the page, and gosh darn it all, I’ll say it at the bottom: Hooray for Jesus!

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