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Sunday
Dec062009

Sunday Video

I’ve been listening to the Simon and Garfunkel album, “Bookends” lately. It really gets overlooked when people put together those stupid, fucking, “best of” lists to fill magazine pages up with.

It came out in April of 1968 and I got it for my tenth birthday. You have to remember that in 1968 psychedelia was in full bloom and album covers were schlocked out in crazy colors, fonts and pictures. And bands were wearing crazy clothing, the wilder and more unconventional the better.

So in the midst of all this, Simon and Garfunkel put out an album and the cover is just a stark, black and white shot of the two wearing matching black turtleneck sweaters. And at the bottom of the cover, in the simplest of fonts it says, “Bookends/Simon & Garfunkel. Understated coolness at its best.

Here’s two of my favorite songs. The first one, “Save The Life of My Child,” is one of the first songs ever to incorporate a moog synthesizer on it. I listened to this song once when I was tripping on acid and it all the effects and sounds just about blew the top of my head off.

The second one, “Fakin’ It,” has a line in it, that I incorporated in to my “Morning Sucks” website, that I thought everyone would wonder what it was. And the funny thing is that no one’s mentioned it! So I guess the jokes on me! Har-dee-har-har. Here’s an explanation of what I’m talking about. An explanation of what the fuck I am talking about (Go to the third paragraph.)

Sunday
Dec062009

Sunday Comic

(I wish I could lay claim to authorship of this, but I found it on the internet. I'd give credit to whoever did it, but there wasn't any listed. So whoever did this, thanks for the larfs, it's motherfucking heeelarious!)

Sunday
Dec062009

Decades, part I

I remember New Year’s eve, 1999 very well.

I spent the night, pretty much doing what I do every New Year’s Eve, I was alone, drinking beer, eating junk food and watching the Twilight Zone Marathon on the Sci-Fi channel. But at 11:55 I turned to NY1 to watch that fucking ball drop. Usually I never watch anything that has to do with that bullshit that goes on every year in Times Square. Only a complete raving, lunatic would want to stand in the cold with a crowd of other raving, lunatics to watch a golden ball drop from the sky to ring in another fucking new year.

But that year was different. The 1900’s were ending and supposedly Y2K was going to ring in the new year with mucho havoc by ruining computers, ATM’s, electricity and pretty much just fuck everything up. I couldn’t wait. I thought, “Good, let everything get shot to shit, things had gotten pretty stale by the end of the ‘90s and maybe this would shake up the fucking world. Maybe the big CHANGE I had been waiting for since the ‘60s would finally happen. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I knew it wouldn’t be boring, so I was excited.

I watched the countdown, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1...and then...nothing happened. I waited for about five minutes, looked outside and nothing was any different. Except the year was 2000. I had a sinking feeling in my gut, that this would be one shitty-ass, soul-sickening decade. I’m not always right, but sadly in this case I was. This was one grim, fucking decade and I for one am thrilled to be closing the door on it. I hope by some miracle the next decade is a lot better, we all deserve it.

The other day I realized that I have now lived through six decades. I started thinking about them and thought it might be fun to summarize them, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do now.

Sherman, set the Wayback Machine to 1958 and... Sherman...Sherman? Hey quit jerking off to My Friends Hot Mom and get over here and set the fucking Wayback Machine to April 25, 1958!

Baboom! (That’s the sound of the Wayback Machine, not Sherman jerking off.)

I was originally going to do this in one Norman Fell swoop, but I’ve decided to break it down and post a decade every day till I’m done.

Since today is Lazy-Ass Sunday, it’s appropriate that I tackle the first decade I was alive, because it’s only two years and I don’t remember them at all. And so here we go, back to the past!


-------------------------
The 1950’s

(Above) Baby Marty..."Mommy, more Budweiser, please!"


I was born in 1958 but I have no recollection of it. I probably spent the entire last two years of this decade eating, shitting and pissing all over myself. I would later repeat this sort of lifestyle after I discovered drugs and alcohol in the ‘70’s. These were two very good years. Even though I don’t remember them.

Sunday
Dec062009

Sunday Time Wasters

Sunday
Dec062009

Tiger's Wood

Sunday
Dec062009

Sunday Service

Sunday
Dec062009

Lazy-Ass Sunday


It’s Lazy-Ass Sunday and I’ll be posting all the same shit I do every goddamn Lazy-Ass Sunday, except this week I’ve got a special bonus post I’ll be putting up. All this week I’m summarizing every single decade that I’ve lived though and today I start with the ‘50s. So be looking for that, check back often and enjoy this Lazy-Ass Sunday!


Monday
Nov302009

Blast From The Past


Magazine: PEOPLE, August 18, 2008
Cover Headline: “Brad and Angelina Introduce The Twins!”
Great, but could you put those fucking babies down so we can get a better look at them?


Monday
Nov302009

The Freewheelin' Osama bin Laden

(This is something I wrote years ago and never used. It was shortly after Sept. 11th and the whole anthrax scare. “Boris” did the artwork and I handled the typography. Enjoy!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
T-Ban Records presents...
The Freewheelin’ Osama bin Laden


Osama Bin Laden has sold more records in Afghanistan than the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds combined! And now you can order Osama’s newest release, The Freewheelin’ Osama bin Laden exclusively through T-Ban records!

This offer is available exclusively through T-Ban records! And as a bonus, if you order today, you may or may not receive a heavily taped piece of mail containing mysterious white powder! Call 1-800-TAL-IBAN and order your copy of The Freewheelin’ Osama bin Laden today!

Monday
Nov302009

Website of the Week

Once a week I thought I’d feature a website that’s just doing something for the sheer fuck and love of it. So please don’t send me links to your band’s website or your blog for this. But if you know of someone doing something fun and/or wacky, please email me the link and it might just end up the Website of the Week! (Like that’s a big fucking deal!)

This Weeks Website:
Woody Radio


Who needs Viagra when you have Woody Radio? They make you rock hard! This is a great online radio website that harkens back to the days of underground radio that played all kinds of music and all of it good. And it’s commercial free and free of charge! Just click, register and enjoy!

And tonight, check out the coolest DJ in the world, Gidget from 8pm to 10pm. And from 9 to 10pm she’s playing selections that I handpicked. So be there or be square! I’ll see you in the chat room. See, Motherfucker?

Woody Radio

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