Decades, part I
Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 4:23PM I remember New Year’s eve, 1999 very well.
I spent the night, pretty much doing what I do every New Year’s Eve, I was alone, drinking beer, eating junk food and watching the Twilight Zone Marathon on the Sci-Fi channel. But at 11:55 I turned to NY1 to watch that fucking ball drop. Usually I never watch anything that has to do with that bullshit that goes on every year in Times Square. Only a complete raving, lunatic would want to stand in the cold with a crowd of other raving, lunatics to watch a golden ball drop from the sky to ring in another fucking new year.
But that year was different. The 1900’s were ending and supposedly Y2K was going to ring in the new year with mucho havoc by ruining computers, ATM’s, electricity and pretty much just fuck everything up. I couldn’t wait. I thought, “Good, let everything get shot to shit, things had gotten pretty stale by the end of the ‘90s and maybe this would shake up the fucking world. Maybe the big CHANGE I had been waiting for since the ‘60s would finally happen. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I knew it wouldn’t be boring, so I was excited.
I watched the countdown, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1...and then...nothing happened. I waited for about five minutes, looked outside and nothing was any different. Except the year was 2000. I had a sinking feeling in my gut, that this would be one shitty-ass, soul-sickening decade. I’m not always right, but sadly in this case I was. This was one grim, fucking decade and I for one am thrilled to be closing the door on it. I hope by some miracle the next decade is a lot better, we all deserve it.
The other day I realized that I have now lived through six decades. I started thinking about them and thought it might be fun to summarize them, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do now.
Sherman, set the Wayback Machine to 1958 and... Sherman...Sherman? Hey quit jerking off to My Friends Hot Mom and get over here and set the fucking Wayback Machine to April 25, 1958!
Baboom! (That’s the sound of the Wayback Machine, not Sherman jerking off.)
I was originally going to do this in one Norman Fell swoop, but I’ve decided to break it down and post a decade every day till I’m done.
Since today is Lazy-Ass Sunday, it’s appropriate that I tackle the first decade I was alive, because it’s only two years and I don’t remember them at all. And so here we go, back to the past!
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The 1950’s
(Above) Baby Marty..."Mommy, more Budweiser, please!"
I was born in 1958 but I have no recollection of it. I probably spent the entire last two years of this decade eating, shitting and pissing all over myself. I would later repeat this sort of lifestyle after I discovered drugs and alcohol in the ‘70’s. These were two very good years. Even though I don’t remember them.
Reader Comments (4)
Ohhhh!!!! baby Marty !!! :D cool pic !!
2000.... It was too early !! Now waiting 2012 the new end of the world!!!! ..... where we will all die in terriiiiiible cirCUMstances (zioum prediction: sliding on a dog's shit when walking peacefully on a sidewalk!!) and just because we are jesus asshole unable to read a mayan calendar!!! MOUHAHAHAHA
No............... I'm joking! In fact we will all die from the terrible swine flu !!!!! already 7000 dead in the world and everyone want to wear a mask !!!!!! HAHAHA and it is a funny world because millions dead from AIDS and no one want to wear a condom ?!!!!! MOUHAHAHAHA :D
Anyway, I should die from my own cynicism !! or maybe one day, someone will kill me for that !! HAHA Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioum !!!!!
And don't forget that time with the crusty underwear! HA HA HA!
TO NEW DECADES!
I like yer baby haircut so swell, I went out and got the same swinging cut.