TV Listings
Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 5:17PM 
The Andy Griffith Show
Andy is steamed when he learns that Barney and Aunt Bea have joined the Klan and have been brutally executing negroes in Raliegh.
My Three Sons
Uncle Charlie loses his recipe for Key Lime Pie while Robbie tortures a crippled child.
Lou Dobbs Moneyline
Unnatural acts with a piggy bank.
Seinfeld (CC)
Kramer drugs Elaine and has violent sex with her. Jerry and George masturbate uncontrollably.
Womens’ Golf (CC)
Lesbians compete for cash prizes.
Clifford the Big Red Dog
A group of drunken teenagers accidentally run over Clifford and kill him.
Matlock--Drama
Matlock (Andy Griffith) buys a male hooker (Claude Akins) and later gets drunk while watching the Discovery Channel.
Flintsones--Cartoon
Wilma puts poison in Fred’s Brontasaurus stew and then uses the insurance money to go on a shopping spree with Betty.
Malcolm in the Middle (CC)
A depressed Malcolm commits suicide.
Punk’d--Comedy
Seth Green thinks he’s going to the dentist to get a tooth pulled only to learn later that his testicles were removed when the Punk’d dentist put him under. Host: Ashton Kutcher
Friends (CC)--Comedy
Rachel reveals that she’s only “friends” with the other assholes in the cast because she makes a million dollars an episode. Kathy Griffin guest stars as a rude, yet loveable waitress.
Welcome Back Kotter
The Sweathogs kidnap Mr. Kotter (Gabe Kaplan), tie him up and make him watch while they repeatedly rape and beat Mrs. Kotter. Horschack: Ron Pallilo
Gilligan’s Island
After being bitten by a poisonous spider, Gilligan goes insane and with the help of a sharp stick, forces Mary Ann to eat his fecal matter out of a coconut bowl. The Professor: Russell Johnson
Blind Date
Stevie Wonder accidentally blows Roger Lodge, the host of Blind Date.
Courage the Cowardly Dog
Once again, Courage spends the entire episode hiding behind the sofa.
Diagnosis Murder (CC)
No details about this episode at press time, but the diagnosis most likely will be murder. Dr. Fine: Dick Van Dyke, Dr. Fine: Dick Van Patton, Dr. Fine: Mario Van Peebles.
King of Queens (CC)
Doug finds out he has a rare kidney disease and his doctor gives him three to six months to live.
Supermarket Sweep
A documentary showing former child star Gary Coleman at work.
Dick Van Dyke--Comedy
Rob trips over that gosh-darned ottoman yet again. Later, in a fit of uncontrolled rage, he shoots and kills Laura and Richie and then turns the gun on himself. Buddy Sorrell: Morey Amsterdam.
The Brady Bunch
Chaos reigns as the Manson Family visit the Brady’s for a week. Charles “Tex” Watson, starring as himself, gets the wackiness rolling right off the bat as he carves an unborn fetus out of Marcia’s impregnated belly. Alice: Ann B. Davis. Charles Manson: Rob Reiner
That ’70s Show
Eric and Fez discover buttplugs.
Cheers (CC)
Norm drinks himself into a stupor and then shits himself.
Reader Comments (4)
Damn!! I wish we got those shows here, but we must have a different cable provider, Marty
French advert sucks, I'm going to suscribes to your cable provider... !
LMFAO! Especially at the last one!
i actually saw that punk'd episode.