Calling Dr. Sex
Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 1:37PM Calling Dr. Sex
Got a sexual problem or question?
Then ask Dr. Sex!
Dear Dr. Sex,
I’m 16-years-old and I’ve finally come to terms that I’m gay. I had a crush on a classmate I’ll call “Phil” for a year (there were rumors around school that he was gay) and we had lunch the other day and it turned into an intimate love session. Phil is now my boyfriend, but I’m wondering how to tell my parents. I think my mom will take it well, but my father is an ex-marine who will be shocked. Could you tell me how to handle this sticky situation?
Gay and proud in Cleveland
Dear Gay and proud,
It sounds to me like you’re no stranger to sticky situations! But seriously, the first step you need to take on telling your parents is to take Phil’s dick out of your mouth. Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?
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Dear Dr. Sex,
I’ve been married for 11 years and enjoy a terrific sex life with my wife. There’s only one problem, she doesn’t enjoy giving me oral sex. She says the idea of me putting my penis in her mouth sickens her. Do you have any advice on how to make this more enjoyable for her?
No Oral
Louisville, Ky
Dear No Oral,
I’ve got a solution, why don’t you track down old Phil in Cleveland. I’m sure he wouldn’t be averse to giving you a hummer or two.
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Dear Dr. Sex,
I enjoy masturbating to the picture of Aunt Jemima on the pancake box. I’ve been doing this since I was a teen. The trouble is, my girlfriend walked into the bathroom the other day when I was doing the dirty deed while staring at the pancake box. I’m not ashamed of my masturbatory habits, but now she won’t talk to me. Any ideas on how I can explain this to her?
Aunt Jemima’ed out of Love
Dayton, Ohio
Dear Aunt Jemima’ed,
I was planning on going to the International House of Pancakes for lunch, but now I think I’ll go to McDonald’s instead. Thanks so much.
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Dear Dr. Sex,
I’m an 18-year-old nymphomaniac. I can’t stop having sex. And men are constantly coming on to me because I’m a dead ringer for Pamela Anderson. Men are constantly hitting on me and I can’t turn them away, I don’t even care what they look like, how old they are or even if they’re fat and bald, I just love having wild, kinky sex and I love trash talk! There’s nothing I won’t do. I want to have a meaningful relationship but I can’t stop having sex with strange men. Can you help me?
Nonstop Sexxer in Manhattan
Dear Nonstop Sexxer,
You need professional help. I don’t feel comfortable trying to counsel you in the confines of this column. It’s too impersonal for your specific problem. Send me your phone number and we should meet. Preferably at a bar. Oh and wear something tight.
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Dear Dr. Sex,
I’ve got an embarrassing problem, my testicles are huge. They’re the size of tennis balls. I went to the doctor and he couldn’t find anything wrong with me, he said sometimes men are born with large testicles and I’m one of them. I’ve been dating the same girl for two years and last week we finally decided to have sex. When she saw me nude, she couldn’t stop laughing after seeing the size of my testicles. Needless to say the sex didn’t happen and now I’m afraid to ever try it again for fear of being laughed at. I’m at my wits end and hope you can help me somehow.
Big Balls
Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Dear Big Balls,
Ha, ha ha ha ha! Whoohoo...ha, ha ha ha! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!
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Reader Comments (4)
LOL
TO MARTY
HILAROUS ! hahahaha ! TO DR SEX ! (poor No Oral guy... but, you know, maybe your grandma can to cook a hot-slippery pie for you?)
I have a problem too motherfucker! Try beating off with a 2 inch dick!
do these balls make my butt look fat?