Vlad the Impaler’s Dayrunner (Monday June 3, 1468)

Here’s something I wrote years ago when I was writing a weekly humor column for Toast website. Enjoy!

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Vlad the Impaler’s Dayrunner (Monday June 3, 1468)

Monday June 3

7:00 am: wake up, bathe, breakfast

8:00: clean up impaling room

9:00: go to impaling stick store

10:00: sharpen impaling sticks

11:00: impale

12:00pm: lunch (cheese sandwich, soup)

1:00: scare villagers

2:00: impale

3:00: impale

4:00: meeting with Karl the Kitty Teaser

5:00: impale

6:00: impale

7:00: dinner (roast chicken, ale)

8:00: impale

9:00: impale 

10:00: catch up on reading (Chicken Soup for the Impaled)

11:00: bedtime

12:00 am: count impaled sheep

Comments

[Rich]

I hate being impaled before lunch

[biff]

i prefer karl's cousin, peter the pussy pleaser.

[Jhwang]

1:00 am: Deep impaled

[Jhwang]

2:00 am: Dreaming of deep implaing sheep

[Beau]

I liked this a lot. But it impales in comparison to your best work, Marty.

Did you see what I did there? LOL!!!

-Beau

[Professor Dungpie, Fountainhead of Enlightenment!]

Sorry, I didn't read this one.......I was busy sucking my own cock! I'll read the next one!

[Joey D]

I am jealous of Professor. I can only lick my man boobs. It really must be great to suck you own cock.

[Jhwang]

9:00 am: impale myself with some coffe