Irony Board
Sunday, June 7, 2009 at 3:41PM 
HOW LONG MUST WE PULL IRONY OUT OF OUR BUTTCHEEKS?
I think one of the most unjust things happening today is when you’re ready to staple your left nostril to the coffee table and then you realize that you’re out of staples and then you go to the store and they claim to be “all out of staples.” And the store is Staples.
I mean how long must we pull irony out of our buttcheeks and pretend it’s cottage cheese? As Frank Zappa once sang, “There’s just no way to delay that trouble coming every day.”
If you want to stay on shore while the sky is raining chocolate diarrhea, that’s your business, but I’m not going to calmly sit by and pretend that the soup’s not turning into suds. Darn the socks if you must, but as we all know haste makes paste and a bird in the hand isn’t flying anywhere in the near future as far as I can glean.
Here ye, here ye, all ye steak fryers and children of corn and ye pudding pop eaters. Wake up. Smell the coffee and squeeze your ankles. The sun is high, the streets are paved and lettuce will eventually be salad days and days of moldy mayonnaise, happily Zappally quoting twice again.
Reader Comments (3)
That picture, LOL!
for some reason, this post reminded me of der dutchman.
A man goes into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his neck, of course the doctor asks what happened to him.
"Well, it pretty much goes like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my dear wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."
"We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Holy cow, Doris, this looks like yours!'"