God Poll
Sunday, June 14, 2009 at 4:10PM A God Poll
Let’s put our personal beliefs aside and pretend there really is a God who controls everything in the universe. I’ve put together a little poll and would appreciate it if you take it and list your answers below. It’s only six questions, so it won’t take you long. And please don’t deviate (and I know, we’re all deviates in one way or another, but you know what I mean) from my provided answers, but if you must, go ahead.
Here’s the poll.
1. Why did God create Tuberculosis?
A. He had a cold and decided, “If I’m going to be sick, then others will really be sick!
B. Jesus already invented Muscular Distrophy.
C. It rhymes with Halitosis.
D. Satan double-dog dared him to.
2. Speaking of Satan, who would win in a fight between God and Satan?
A. Only Howard Cosell would know, and he’s dead...of Tuberculosis I think! Or maybe Halitosis, who knows?
B. God would kick Satan’s ass back to the 10th ring of hell!
C. Satan would win because he would fight dirty and God can’t because he’s God and he’s a goody goody two shoes!
D. Even if Satan would win, God would keep turning the other cheek and this shit would go on and on longer than an extended remixed version of “Rapper’s Delight!”
3. Let’s say God really likes candy, so he decides to create a giant candy bar the size of an Australian billboard to eat. Which candy bar do you think God would prefer?
A. Nestle Crunch
B. Butterfinger
C. Snickers
D. Or perhaps God would create a bag of Skittles the size of Oprah’s ass when she’s in one of her many fat stages (and when isn’t she?)
4. If God had a human appearance who would he look like?
A. Meet George Jetson.
B. His Boy Elroy.
C. Daughter Judy.
D. Jane his wife.
5. God is kind of a boring name, pick one of the following, “flashier” names for our Supreme Ruler and Creator.
A. Uncle Charlie
B. Anne Murray
C. Ecuador
D. That symbol that Prince used when he was “enslaved” by a record company that paid him a shitload of money.
6. What do you think God does for relaxtion?
A. Bowls.
B. Watches “Kate and John Plus 8” and wonders if creating humanity was a mistake.
C. Goes to Long John Silver’s and enjoys a Treasure Chest Family Meal (and I’m talking the Super Treasure version, that’s 16 pieces and three sides! Now I know that’s a lot of eating, but we are talking God here!)
D. Su Doku
Reader Comments (7)
Ummm.. where's the answer key? I think I was 10 for 10 and you only asked 6 questions.
D! !!
I answer "D" to ALL of 'em , Marty!
Yikes, that lightning bolt was CLOSE...watch out, Marty!
7. Why the word "God" in French means a "sex toy" ?
A. Because God loves to put his cock in the ass
B. Because a creator can only to be in the shape of cock
C. Seriously... Do you know a French who believe in God???
D. Because the real creator is not Satan, but Santa (claus), Every french know that !!!
I'm afraid to answer, but I liked zioum zioum's answers! LOL!
I think God jerks off...laughing, while i drive a bus full of misfits around! Misfits he created!
if you answer A,B,A,C,A,B, you should come out of this with a C+.
What if God was one of us? Just a terrible Jewl song?