Beer Frame
Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 2:25AM Master Boozer Series
W.C. Fields
My friend Ash (Ash if you remember is the creator of my ShamWow! zoo) left a comment in last night’s Beer Frame suggesting I include W.C. Fields in my Master Boozer series and it’s an excellent suggestion! Thanks, Ash, here you go.
W.C. Fields was one of the great comedians and a Master Boozer exrtraordiniare. One of my favorite stories I ever heard about that guy was that he was pissed when the government wouldn’t let him declare gin as a business expense on his taxes, because he said he couldn’t be funny without it! Here are some great W.C. Fields quotes:
• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
• Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
• Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
• I like children - fried.
• I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
• Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
• Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
• You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
Genius! And here’s a classic W.C. Fields’ video:
I’ll see you all later, around noon. Time to open a beer and get my W.C. on!
Cheers,
Marty
Reader Comments (6)
A genius!
For months W.C. Fields engaged in a laughable feud, on-screen and off, with Baby LeRoy, a child star who had appeared in a number of his films. One day during a break between scenes, an assistant brought some orange juice for the three-year-old LeRoy and Fields kindly offered to help: "I'll give the little nipper his juice," he said - and proceeded to sneak some gin into the drink. Sure enough, when filming resumed, Baby LeRoy was too soused to perform. "Walk him around, walk him around," Fields advised, before adding: "He's no trouper. The kid's no trouper. Send him home!"
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
"The kid's no trooper!" One of my favorite sayings ever! They do not make actors like W.C. Fields anymore. Vaudeville is dead. Can you imagine if Brad Pitt could sing, dance, juggle and do acrobats and still be able to drink like that?
that's w.c. fields? i thought it was john daly!