beer frame
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 2:17AM 
Earlier today I was over around Union Square Park and thought I saw Britney Spears getting in a cab. She had a baseball cap and sunglasses on but it looked just like her. Somebody in my neighborhood told me she owns an apartment on Union Square so I walked up closer. She was wearing a really short skirt and as she got in I saw she was wearing underwear, so I knew it couldn’t be Britney. (Sorry, Joey D. I couldn’t help myself!)
But anyway, it got me thinking about some of the celebrity sightings I’ve had in New York. Here’s a few.
Ed Begley, Jr. This was my first celebrity in New York way back in July of 1993, when I had just moved here. I was walking up Amsterdam Avenue near 76th when I heard some weird noise and I looked up and it was Ed Begley, Jr. on one of those electric scooters. As he zipped by, I thought, Ed Begley, Jr. My first official New York celebrity sighting. What a motherfucking gyp!
Sean Lennon This was in the summer of 1998 and my friend Clare had come to town to visit me. Sean Lennon’s first album had come out that week and I anxiously bought it, because I’m a big John Lennon fan. I couldn’t wait to hear what his kid’s songs were like. I bought it at Tower Records, came home put it on and it sucked monkey lungs. It was horrible! The kid apparently got all his talent from Yoko. So anyway, Clare and I went out with my friends Alex and Matt who are both musicians. We started talking about how the Sean Lennon album sucked so bad and we started making fun of Sean Lennon and goofing on him. The next night we met some friends at a pizza place in Soho and the subject of Sean Lennon came up again and we started goofing on him again. Around midnight, Clare and I were walking towards my apartment and a kid who was with two young girls, skateboarded right into me. He fell down and the girl’s rushed over to see if he was okay. He apologized and as we walked away, Clare was laughing and said, “Did you seen who that was?” “Yep, Sean Lennon!” I replied and we both cracked up laughing.
Jason Alexander This was also in the summer of 1998, right after Seinfeld went off the air. I think Jason Alexander was doing a play in New York at the time. I was living on the Upper West Side and there was a deli two doors down from me where I bought my beer. The deli is small and set up railroad style so the aisle is small and one person standing looking at shit can clog the whole joint up. The beer was in the very back cooler and as I walked back I saw a dark-haired woman standing and directly in front of her was Jason Alexander all hunched over looking at the potato chips. They were blocking the aisle and I couldn’t get my fucking beer. I waited a minute or so, but Jason must be a goddamned potato chip connoisseur, because he was taking forever, looking at this bag, then another bag, Jesus fucking wept! Finally I cough and say, “Excuse me.” He looks up tiredly like “oh we go with the autograph bit, again” and said, “Yeah, what do you need?” I counter with, “I want to get some beer back there, can you get out of the way please?” The woman, who I assume was his wife chuckled a little as Jason Alexander scooted forward and I got my beer. This story needs this for the ending.
Matt Dillon and Cameron Diaz I think this was in the summer of 1997 and my friends LN and Traci were in town. They met me at my apartment and I believe a rerun of the MTV music awards was on my TV and Matt Dillon was presenting one of their fake awards to someone. Traci said, “I love Matt Dillon!” I told her I saw Matt Dillon all the time and that he lived in my neighborhood. So we go out to get lunch and there’s a street fair going on at Broadway and 74th street. We wander over and we’re looking around and standing at a wheatgrass juice stand sampling shots is none other than Matt Dillon and Cameron Diaz. I poked Traci in the arm and said, “Check that out,” while pointing to the stand. “Oh my God! I don’t believe it!” She yanked her camera out of her bag and asked if we could go over and see if he’d take a picture with her. I told her we’d wait till they weren’t in the middle of something and ask then. So after a few minutes, Cameron Diaz was at a booth looking at purses and Matt Dillon was just standing on the side walk looking bored. I grabbed Traci’s camera and said, “Let’s go.” So we marched over and camera in hand I walk up to Matt Dillon and say, “Excuse me, Matt, my friend Traci is here from San Francisco and she’s like your biggest fan. Could I take a picture of the two of you? It’ll just take a second.” An angry look washed over his face and he started screaming, “No pictures, get that camera away from me!” I waved him off and said, “Hey I was just asking, you don’t have to fucking yell.” He stood there fuming and LN, Traci and I went to lunch and we talked about what an asshole he is. I mean I know it’s a hassle having strangers come up and ask for an autograph or a picture, but if you go into show business, it kind of goes with the territory. What a fucking asshole. Although I have to admit I still love the movie, Drugstore Cowboy.
Larry King This happened on the same day as the Matt Dillon encounter. After he yelled at me, we went to lunch at an outdoor cafe and were chatting and waiting for our lunch to come (I don’t know what we were talking about, but LN was probably being mean to me as usual). All of the sudden Traci’s eyes got wide and she said, “Oh my God, look who’s coming down the street!” And it was Larry King and his wife. And if you think Larry looks bad on TV, you should get an eyeful of Larry in person, in the cruel light of day, whew! He’s a craggly, waggly, scraggly mess! His wife looked stunning and she was prancing along as Larry carried all kinds of shopping bags and had a big scowl on that scary looking puss of his. You know his wife married him for his money, but she has to look at him nude and probably have sex with him when the Viagra kicks in, so I say she’s earning every stinking penny she gets! (I called in and got on the air once on the Larry King show and it’s a chapter in my book, The Boy Who Would Be A Fire Truck. The website Splice Today excerpted it and you can read it right here.)
Davey Johnstone Davey Johnstone has played guitar for Elton John for years. When I was a kid I was a big Elton John fan. I followed his music from Tumbleweed Connection to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. After Goodbye Yellow Brick Road I felt his music went downhill and I stopped listening. So while a lot of people would have no idea who Davey Johnstone is, I do. In the winter of 2002 my parents came to visit me. We were out to dinner at Ruth’s Chris steakhouse in midtown, having a few drinks and enjoying dinner. We were seated at a table in the bar, because back then you could still smoke in bars in New York and my mom smokes. Right in the middle of dinner an older guy with long blonde hair past his shoulders wearing red-tinted, wire rim glasses and a suit walked by our table and sat down at the bar with a good looking woman who looked young enough to be his daughter. I mentally thought that this guy looked like an old man version of Davey Johnstone. After he walked by my dad laughed and said, “Geez, did you see that weirdo?” I laughed and we continued on with dinner and drinks. About ten minutes later, the hostess walked up to the weird looking guy and said, “Mr. Johnstone, your table’s ready now.” He and the woman got up and they walked by our table again and were seated two tables away in the bar. He or she must’ve been a smoker as well. I also realized it had been years since I’ve seen a photo of the guy, so naturally he looks a lot older. I told my folks that he was Elton John’s lead guitarist and that he had been with him way back before Elton John was very famous. We laughed about the young woman he was with and I said she was probably a groupie. Soon we were done with dinner and we stood up and I said I’d get the coats from the coat check. My dad said, “I’m going to go over there and say hi to him.” Now my dad’s a big jokester and I thought he was kidding. It’s kind of a rule not to bug stars in New York (see: Dillon, Matt), but you really don’t bug someone when they’re eating. I laughed and said, “Yeah, right,” and went to the coat check. I assumed my folks would meet me in the lobby. Well I get there and they’re not there, they’re standing in front of Davey Johnstone’s table! Immediately I flashed back to the Matt Dillon episode and I ran up there to escort them away from what I thought would be an angry rock star. Instead I heard my dad saying to him, “Now you’re one of the originals in Elton’s band, right?” He was parroting what I had told him and Davey Johnstone was amazed that this 70something-year-old knew who he was and his history. “Yeah, that’s right, are you in the business?” Johnstone asked my dad as I walked up. “Oh here’s our son, now, Marty met Davey Johnstone,” my dad said as Johnstone stuck out his hand. “Hi, nice to meet you,” I said as I shook his hand. “Likewise,” he said smiling. “So what are you doing in town?” my dad asked him. He told us they had played Madison Square Garden that week and Elton wanted to stay in New York for the week for a little vacation for he and the band. Then he asked where we were from and my dad told him they lived in Peoria but I lived in New York. Then he started asking me all about New York, where I lived, isn’t it hard to find a place, etc. After about five minutes I had to say, “Well, listen it sure was great meeting you, but we have to get going,” or we’d probably still be there talking to the guy! We laughed about it later and realized he probably hardly ever gets recognized and he got a big kick out of it. And so did the woman, she was beaming at him. I’m sure they had some fun later on in his hotel room. So, Davey if by some miraculous chance you’ve stumbled onto this via the internet, there’s no need to thank me. Just send me a gold album or something I can sell on eBay.
And now it’s time for my favorite celebrity sighting, another can of Budweiser.
Cheers, see you back here at the crack of noon,
Marty
Reader Comments (6)
Pretty cool that you and your family meet Davey! I had an experience with Jim Babjak of the Smithereens.....My wife and i met the band after the show and we start talking to Jim........asking him important shit, like why is Pat Dinizio so fat and shit like that and the guy will not shut up! We finally had to break it off because we have ordinary lives that include getting up for work so we can make our piddley ass salaries so we can afford to go see the smithereens at the casino! By the way.......Pat smelled of pizza and his face was greasy!
Your really starting to piss me off. Back off with the Britney jokes. I take that shit seriously.
Awww, a stalker with a heart of gold.
Great stories Marty!!! Thank you so very much for sharing them.
i think it's funny when celebrities yell because someone's paying attention to them. morons.
anyhoozers, i once walked behind jill hennessy and some man pushing a stroller on 8th street. i'm pretty sure they knew each other because jill had her arm looped into his. or maybe she's just overly friendly, i do not know.
i'll tell you who's NOT overly friendly - ice-t. saw him in 2004 and he's all, "i'm walking aimlessly around 30 rock through all these tourists because i want to be left alone. don't look at me. don't LOOK at me!" whatever. i was just trying to find MOMA. and to answer your question, i DID find MOMA (yay!) and also a REALLY good diner right around the corner, although i can't for the life of me remember what it was called.
and, speaking of MOMA, i swear i saw sally jesse raphael there (even though my friend ann wholeheartedly disagrees). she had a private tour guide, for god's sake. and who ELSE would wear those glasses?
oh, and i also saw andy samberg at the union square park when i was looking for melons. he was getting into a cab too, but he was NOT, in fact, wearing any underwear.
I think you should apologize to me. Me and the tens of hundreds of middle aged men who consider her their mid life crisis solver. Just one night... thats all I want.